Great news for any uniped wood-nymphs today, thanks to Italy’s Royal Soc. of Chemistry.
It seems that woods carboniferous nature makes it the perfect template for growing new bones -after it’s been mashed up, decomposed and had ‘calcium, Hydrogen and Oxygen added’ (so…air and milk then…).
The process still requires a phosphate donor, but should mean a distict lack of Tin Woodsmen in the future.
Wish I’d paid more attention in technology class….
LINK (Megavolts)
Draculas. We hates ‘em. They come in your house at night, sliding down the chimney, before making off with your opera hat and white gloves. Sometimes they even sneak into your neighbours house and brutally mutilate his teenage daughter. Yep, they’re a right pest to be sure. but worry no more gentle house-dweller, because science, the age-old nemesis of el Wamphiri , has put a stop to their tricks. By proving they don’t exist!
Top coffin boffins used advanced sums and adding up to prove that if there was one neck-sucker around in 1600AD, then we’d all be wearing sunblock by 1602AD at the latest, thanks to the inescapable laws of geometric progression. Physicists Costas Efthimiou and Sohang Gandhi’s paper “Cinema Fiction vs. Physics Reality” states:
“Another philosophical principal related to our argument is the truism given the elaborate title, the anthropic principle. This states that if something is necessary for human existence, then it must be true since we do exist. In the present case, the nonexistence of vampires is necessary for human existence. Apparently, whomever devised the vampire legend had failed his college algebra and philosophy courses.”
Oh, those wacky, tax-funded physicists. Basically what they are saying is, if you get one vampire, then he’d have us all gobbling each other up pretty sharpish, thus preventing both the invention of sliced bread, and the need for goths. So, swings and roundabouts then. ElectricSpectre have taken a vote, and we’ve decided that this is fine, but we are more worried about the wolfman.
LINK (i09)
While US Scientists seem to spend their time dreaming up ever more exotic laser weapons, here in the UK all the know-alls seem to have been employed by the ministry of the bloody obvious. More evidence of this today as a new report by William Amos at the University of Cambridge tells us that marrying within your close family will increase the likelyhood of, quote-unquote “poor health and infection” in your kids. And a third eye and penchant for chainsaw murder if Hollywood is to be believed. According to research carried out in Gambia, where intermarriage is common, children from…close…families were far more likely to suffer from TB than usual.
So, a huge grant, and dozens of the country’s top brains to tell us:
You can’t shag your sister and expect any good to come from it.
Good work guys!
LINK (New Scientist)
Weirdly for a country so God-bothered, US Scientist are always out in front when it comes to defying YHWH, and it’s heartening to see they are still at it. Claims today reaching us that a full on new lifeform could be a possibility within 5 years. According to Prof David Dreamer of Cal U, labs are closing in on an ominously named ‘Second Genesis’.
Quotes from the scientific community involved are generally along the lines of:
“Until you try this you just don’t know”
And of course:
“There’s nothing we expect to go wrong…”
Luckily New Scientist is on hand to quell any fears you may have, stating that any initial life forms would be very primitive. Like Godzilla.
LINK (New Scientist)
