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Film Review: Crank: High Voltage

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Y’know what’s good about Crank 2? It really doesn’t give a fuck. Plot, character development, and any sense of restraint is told to fuck off loudly, before being shot at. By some strippers. And a gang of bike riding leather boys. While on fire.

Don’t watch Crank 2 expecting subtlety. Expect a video game adaptation of a game that never existed, because that is what it is. Our hero, Chev Chelios (The Stath) runs about with an artificial heart, killing anyone in his way, and collecting power ups in the form of electricity to keep his ticker ticking. He’s occasionally joined by friends (Co-Op mode) including Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite, his girlfriend and an accident involving toxic waste and a skeleton in Korea. (Bai Ling)

It’s fun. It really is. Occasionally, however it slows down for a second to catch up on some semblance of a story, which in contrast with the rest of the film, really, really drags. Which is sort of a bummer. My mind now wired for constant Stath on ethnic minority violence crying out for more headshots and beatings.

And the Stath is good. Despite portraying an adolescent fantasy cum sprite, he is likeable and manages to get through the film without annoying anyone in the slightest, more than can be said for his action hero contemporaries (the hardly illustrious bunch of Vin Diesel, Hugh Jackman and strangely, Christan Bale).

All in all, Crank: High Voltage is fucking ace. Unplug your brain, throw popcorn at your face and yell ‘Woo!’ when an angry unkillable Englishman with a metal heart rams a shotgun up somebody’s bottom.

Also – they have sex in public again. At a racetrack.

LINK (Official Site)

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Film Review: Star Trek

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Possibly fearing the full fury of fanboys everywhere, JJ Abrahms seems to have actually played it fairly safe with this latest reboot, keeping  for the most part, the uniforms, designs, aliens (look out for the Tribble!) that spawned the massive media juggernaut Trek became over the years, and while the bridge does look very Mac (Which is ridiculous..Bill Gates will obviously own the military in the future…), the most important theme-the relationship between Kirk and Spock ( don’t panic, McCoy gets a look in too) emerges unscathed.

The whole thing does suffer from a case of the set-ups, which is a shame because surely most people know who the hell these people are by now? But it’s carried out pacily with some nice touches (Personal fave is the solution to the Kobayashi Maru problem) to keep the hardcore happy.

Abrahms obviously learnt a thing or two from M.I:3 and the like, because here he doesn’t let the pace slacken for a moment. The intro sequence is nicely handled, and sets the tone for the rest of the film. The only downside is that things possibly stick a little too close to Trek lore, with the familiar (and slightly boring) time-travel problem making an unwelcome return (at least it isn’t set on a holodeck I suppose…), and giving Eric Bana little room to manoeuvre as the villain, who sadly lacks the cod-Shakespearian mouthing off that usually makes these guys so much fun. Basically, he’s just a miner from the future having a hissy fit, and while his advanced technology makes him a threat, his physical presence does not.

That said, Bana does the best he can with what he’s given,  and the rest of the cast all give solid performances-special kudos goes, surprisingly, to Karl Urban, who perfectly captures McCoys inherent gruffness, while Pine struggles manfully with Kirk, but manages to humanise him and make him slightly less of a dick who..leaves..spaces when..he..talks than before. Simon Pegg has at least one scene where he gets to act instead of being funny talking comic relief, and Chekov’s nuclear-wessel-powered Russki accent isn’t as annoying as it could have been.  Oh-and yes, Uhuru is hot, despite having underwear designed by the same people who built her bridge console, and we get a short scene where we finally realise that looking good in a mini isn’t the only reason she’s communications officer.

Speaking of design, the new ship looks great, managing to mix the classic lines with a more believable aesthetic that adds realism to the excellent space battles. (which also get an overhaul-less submarine-style tension, more Top Gun aerobatics), and the Romulan ship takes a strange cue from the hulk at the end of Burton’s ‘Planet of the Apes’, managing to look huge and cathedral like, and suitably alien, although why half of it is flooded is a mystery. Back on the enterprise it seems a bit weird that there are valves everywhere in engineering, but the gorgeous sound design makes up for the little quibbles, with all the necessary beeps and squeaks in place, adding to the primary coloured fun throughout.

All in all, it’s a great, fun adventure, and while it struggles to introduce everyone, it seems clear that this could be the space equivalent of Spider-Man/X_Men 1, with the pieces now in place for a far more impressive sequel to come. A great franchise movie, and one of the films of the summer to boot. Well worth boldly going to see.

LINK

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Basterds!

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Atrocious spelling aside, the chance to see Brad Pitt playing an odious turd has to be worth the admission price right?

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Film Review: The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button

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The curious case of Benjamin Button should be a great film. It has spectacular cinematography, rounded full characters, with some fine, if necessarily mannered acting from both Pitt and Blanchett that rounds out the characters, and generally steers just clear of showboating throughout. The concept itself is sky high, and is backed up by some fantastic effects. As anyone unfortunate enough to sit through 10,000BC knows however, CG does not make or break a movie, and this is one case that adds up to spectacularly less than the sum of its parts.

The main problem here is that the whole thing drips with so much schmaltz you feel like gagging throughout,  and it detracts from what otherwise would be a funny, and rather sweet love story. The normally solid David Fincher seems to be suffering from a case of the ‘Green Miles’ throughout, desperately tugging at heartstrings with the conviction of someone who knows they can squeeze out an extra Oscar nom with every tear from a Hollywood crowd desperate to prove its worthiness this season. It’s a recurring problem, and just as ‘Eternal Sunshine’ spawned a generation of girls with home died hair, desperate to prove they weren’t a concept, this will no doubt give us a huge group convinced that they won’t be in love until they’re at least 40.

That said, the film does occasionally live up to its tag line, having fun moments throughout (Teddy Roosevelt is particularly notable here) and it’s always nice to see Brad Pitt the actor. Unlike the titular button though, the ladled-on sentiment means the whole thing ages before its time. Case closed.

LINK(imdb)

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Snickt.

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The Wolverine Trailer in glorious in cinema – head in way vision!

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