Ah the cold war. Back in those heady days, the US could distract it’s citizens from looming economic downturn and spiralling fuel prices by butting heads with it’s communist rivals. Times change of course, which is no doubt why Obama has issued an official statement today telling us that the US is prepared for any eventualities should Kim Jong decide to provide Hawaiian citizens with a larger than usual firework display on Independence day.
“This administration — and our military — is fully prepared for any contingencies,” Obama said in an interview with CBS television when asked about reported North Korean intentions to fire a missile toward Hawaii on or about July 4.
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NASA. The worlds number one space agency, run by dedicated men and women commited to furthering Human knowledge right? Wrong-Nasa are in fact a group of loons with access to the planets most powerful explosives, as evidenced by their latest plan:
NASA are going to BLOW UP THE MOON!!
Well, almost. Basically they are launching the LCROSS satellite, it’s mission;to search for water on the lunar surface. So far, so boring. But it’s the method that’s interesting-the probe will detonate a huge explosive device, sending an explosive plume up to 6 miles into the Moon’s atmosphere.
What could possibly go wrong?
LINK
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Bloody great Bengal Tigers are ES’ second fave animal (after the Platypus), so it’s heartening to see news that combines huge stripy killing machines with advanced ballistics.
According to Raza Syed, of Boston’s Northeastern University, a 350lb object would need to be travelling at around 26mph to clear a 12.5 foot barrier.
“Hmmmm, very interesting” I hear you mumble as your eyes glaze over. But, how about we substitute a female Tiger for the object, and the Tiger enclosure at San Fransisco zoo for the barrier?
You can see where this is going I’m sure, suffice to say, there was much blood and gore.
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When travelling, ES staff get around the pesky rules about guns on planes by only travelling by nuclear submarine, but this clearly wasn’t an option for one Florida resident this weekend, as he stepped onto the concourse at Dusseldorf International armed with a pump action shotgun, two pistols and a combat knife.
German rozzers were quick to step in and confiscate the weapons, whose owner claimed ignorance of international law on these matters.
Back in the US police said they would ‘look into’ how the man managed to get on an international flight tooled up to the teeth.
LINK
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On checking into a hotel, Electric Spectre staff usually bounce on the bed, steal some towels and then call in the hookers. Over in Arkansas though, the interminable ennui of watching this grim parade obviously had adverse effects on desk attendant Christina Bergmann.
When a male caller said he was afrom a local sprinkler system company, and had her carry out a few ‘fire safety tests’ she didn’t blink, even when he instructed her to pull the alarms, shut down the electrics and finally break the existing sprinkler system so the lobby flooded.
The guests of course, remained composed, fileing out in an orderly manner. This is a lie. Instead, they acted the way people do in real fires, charging down hallways, knocking each other over and smashing windows and door glass. Rusty Brown, a guest who helpfully stepped in to aid Bergmann, said he was;
“an innocent bystander and got involved in domestic terrorism. There was absolute panic in that hotel,” adding, “all I did was make it worse. I’m not proud of breaking windows. It is very disheartening”
LINK (Official Report)
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