ElectricSpectre

1. afk

Symbolising something deep and true about the videogamer condition, ‘afk’ stands for much more than simply being away from ones keyboard. It is a disconnect – the gamer is severed from his tools, blinded and dumb, stumbling ineffectually until his fingers find that familiar WASD formation. When afk you are effectively dead, clueless as to events transpiring. Go afk for too long and many games will cull you automatically. When afk you are nothing, you are worse than dead. (because corpses don’t hog bandwidth)

2. dlc

Not only is this shorthand for Downloadable Content super-trendy, it has the added benefit of making the speaker sound as if he is referring to a particularly crime-addled American district. “Ridin’ down to the DLC tonight. ’spectin trouble. Lock and load.” It will forever stand as testament to the day publishers realised they could release half a game and expect people to keep paying for months afterwards for content that should have been theirs in the first place.

3. gibs

Gibs? What’s a gib? Does it perchance refer to the unhackable Gibson? “Games Involving Bad Saves” maybe? No – gibs simply means giblets, the pieces of you that are left after you are violently exploded in-game. Hence one is gibbed, and one might gib another. Some games, like Team Fortress 2, will helpfully point out which parts of you used to be what after you die. A big friendly arrow showing you what remains of your head. Gooood times.

4. pwned

Derived from earlier slang ‘owned’ (or 0wn3d) meaning ‘beaten’, ‘devastated’ or ‘generally kicked in the nuts’ this hyper-popular term soon morphed into ‘pwned’ thanks to the proximity of the ‘p’ key to the ‘o’ key. If you’re looking for proof that this is in essence a gamers term then just try pronouncing it. Difficult right? It could be uttered in several different ways, and there’s no consensus. It is therefore a term meant to be seen and not heard. Keyboards only, in other words. Strictly no Real Life. Speaking of which…

5. RL

How sublimely ridiculous is it that we have an acronym to describe what, in essence, captures everything that exists and is slave to the laws of physics? Awesome.

6. zerg

What does zerg mean? It comes from Starcraft, where the zerg were a race who used sheer force of numbers to overcome an enemy. Whenever similar tactics are employed in-game it is called a ‘zerg rush.’ Famously, this tactic hardly ever works.

7. mmorpg

Massively-multiplayer-online-role-playing-game. Quite a mouthful. It shows astonishingly poor foresight on behalf of the gaming community that this term was ever used, as it’s barely preferable to trying to get your mouth around the words it stands for. I therefore propose a different acronym for this genre: WoW.

And the worst bit of gaming lingo ever? That’s easy – QTE. (quick-time event) By giving them an acronym we’re just making developers think they’re an acceptable and valid inclusion in any game. They should be called TATFRE4TMYCPDTCDTCS’s. (that annoying thing from Resident Evil 4 that means you couldn’t put down the controller during the cut-scenes)

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