Draculas. We hates ‘em. They come in your house at night, sliding down the chimney, before making off with your opera hat and white gloves. Sometimes they even sneak into your neighbours house and brutally mutilate his teenage daughter. Yep, they’re a right pest to be sure. but worry no more gentle house-dweller, because science, the age-old nemesis of el Wamphiri , has put a stop to their tricks. By proving they don’t exist!
Top coffin boffins used advanced sums and adding up to prove that if there was one neck-sucker around in 1600AD, then we’d all be wearing sunblock by 1602AD at the latest, thanks to the inescapable laws of geometric progression. Physicists Costas Efthimiou and Sohang Gandhi’s paper “Cinema Fiction vs. Physics Reality” states:
“Another philosophical principal related to our argument is the truism given the elaborate title, the anthropic principle. This states that if something is necessary for human existence, then it must be true since we do exist. In the present case, the nonexistence of vampires is necessary for human existence. Apparently, whomever devised the vampire legend had failed his college algebra and philosophy courses.”
Oh, those wacky, tax-funded physicists. Basically what they are saying is, if you get one vampire, then he’d have us all gobbling each other up pretty sharpish, thus preventing both the invention of sliced bread, and the need for goths. So, swings and roundabouts then. ElectricSpectre have taken a vote, and we’ve decided that this is fine, but we are more worried about the wolfman.
LINK (i09)
