Monthly Archives: May 2009

Electric Monkey Feet!

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May 27, 2009 – 8:50 pm

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Scientists. There a weird lot aren’t they? Maybe it’s something about spending 8 years at school in order to spend 18 hour days hanging around vivisected animals. That dedication does however turn up the odd (and we do mean odd) gem, and this certainly qualifies. Yep, today boffins have managed to introduce a new gene to the humble Marmoset’s makeup by..giving it glow in the dark electric feet! Imagine having electric feet! You could read in bed at night by the light of your bunions alone! Anyway, apparently the electric foot Marmoset had a baby, also with electric feet, which represents:

” The first time an added gene has been inherited…by a monkey”

Eventually, we’ll all have glowing chimps lighting our homes, and there’s always the slim chance I can use this to look more like the Hulk (I already have the ripped purple trousers).

LINK (AP)

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By Interceptor Posted in Technology Tagged , , , , , ,

Konspiracy Korner: Swine Flu!

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May 26, 2009 – 11:56 am

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Time for a new feature on ES, which, like all our features, will run about twice a year on slow news days. And, as pizza delivery and bitching about movies have no place on the internet, it’s time to cover; Conspiracy theories! (Which I have decided to spell with a ‘K’ in order to make them more sinister and mysterious).
Now, hopefully this will annoy people, and as we like to play fast and loose with our lives, let’s begin with some outspoken religious ridiculousness and see how much trouble we can get into. Our first conspiracy then, is a Swine flu based one. Now, as we all know, H1N1 has come to absolutely nothing, but it’s still managed to incite religious/race hatred online, as evidenced by this well balanced piece of representative journalism.

That’s correct gentle reader, it seems that Swine Flu has been created and released by the ‘White Man’ (I am assuming this refers to Col. Sanders), for..uhh..some reason. Quite possibly in order to depopulate the planet, thus thinning out the KFC customer base and driving himself out of business, it all starts to make perfect sense doesn’t it?

 As we all know, “scientists made the Hog from a Cat, a Rat and a Dog (and possibly a Mouse)”, that’s not just religious mentalism my friends-that’s SCIENCE! Ancient science only written about on the internet, so it must be absolutely true.( Also, there is the disturbing news that Pork, and therefore Bacon sandwiches- are POISON! Delicious poison, but poison none the less. The entire British way of life is under threat! ) Fortunately, someone calling themselves the Honorable Elijah Muhammad is here to guide us:

 “Medical scientists and our own doctors are fast learning, since I have been writing this article on HOW TO EAT TO LIVE and are now cooperating with me and agreeing with me that the hog is a poison that we should not eat, though they may be eating it themselves. But, they have to knowledge the truth. Some of them are intelligent enough now, for the last few years, to start getting away from eating it.”

That’s right, because any scientist discovering a poison does tend to continue to eat large amounts of it. We look forward to the next article with baited breath! Anyway, that’s enough conspiracy for this week, but check back regularly to see which dangerous, volatile group we’ll be knocking next.

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By Interceptor Posted in Doom, Technology Tagged , , , , ,

Pizza No-Go

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May 25, 2009 – 5:36 pm

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As an official life-long member of the international guild of lard-arses and freeloaders I like nothing more than a bloody great pizza on my bank holiday weekend, preferably delivered, and preferably paid for by someone else. Lo, it was then, that the heaven’s opened and Fuelmyblog.com, purveyors of fantastic blog-promotion and wonderful freebies did answer my fat, sweaty prayers, and offer to let me try out www.just-eat.co.uk, and as I am also a complete sell-out, I decided to hop on the world wide web and give it run for their money.

Yep, it’s one of those takeaway compilation sites, lots of local quote-unquote restaurants in one place, ideal for those of us who prefer to avoid all human interaction, or ever picking up antiquated devices like the phone.

So, I pop along to the site, and after a wrestle with the slightly intrusive and unnescessary sign-up process, make my way to the menus. This bit works fine, pick your booze and, if you must, accompanying food, and click on ‘pay now’. This is where the long sign-up comes in, as the site will happily take your credit card details, save them and no doubt flog them to dodgy telemarketers, huzzah!

As its my first time, I keep things simple and go with a Papa John’s ‘extra massive, stupidly hot’ or something,then enter my little voucher code..it’s all going well..click ‘pay now’..and..the payment site..doesn’t exist. No manner of fucking about with different restaurants, order details or re-entering info will sort this out, so no pizza for me, or you, or anyone else using the site. Sigh. A decent idea for the misanthropic web-based fat ass in your life, but until the coding is sorted out, and a friendlier interface is introduced, it’s a complete bloody shower.

Just phone them instead.

LINK

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By Interceptor Posted in Internet, Technology Tagged , , , , ,

Napalm Super Soaker!

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May 25, 2009 – 4:14 pm

Super Soakers. They hold a lot of liquid right? And,as an experiment labelled ‘toilet incident’ here at ES towers a while back will attest, it doesn’t have to be water…

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By Von Posted in Doom, Technology

CD Review – Trippy Wicked And The Cosmic Children Of The Knight: Lowering The Tone

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May 25, 2009 – 3:44 pm

Trippy Wicked

Trippy Wicked and the Cosmic Children of The Knight would be a bloody Godsend if I was getting paid by the word. I’m not, however, so from now on I’m just calling them Trippy Wicked. They inhabit a strange space between stoner rock and doom, sharing a bunk with the likes of Electric Wizard, Sourvein and Orange Goblin.

It’s a pissstained, filthy bunk, filled with hot rock burns, hiding a ninebar under the mattress.

So, stoney doom. Downtuned guitars, thundering drums and riffs that move mountains. Trippy Wicked deliver on the expectations. The vocals are strained and nasty, but show some real talent, and and tracks that bring the rock, rather then the doom, like ‘Sea Shanty’ the aggression is let out and it all clicks together.

Uniquely for a stoner/doom band, Trippy Wicked have a horn section. Sparingly used, (possibly because usually members of stoner bands have traded off lung capacity for quality time spent with a bong) it works amazingly well, and adds a little jazz bar cool to the proceedings.

The one stumbling block on this album is that it is neither dopesick, dirty and tripped out, or partying out rock and roll. It sits a little too much in between. Trippy Wicked seem a little too together, and dare I say it, talented to bring the gnarly hangover dirges Electric Wizard excel at. The album shines when the music moves away from the doom and towards proper balls out rock. Unfortunately this doesn’t happen enough. This is in no way a big criticism, just my observation.

All together, this is a damn fine, and very professional demo, and a great addition the British stoner / doom scene. Light up and enjoy.

Official Site

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